well, you can’t please everyone...

When artists confuse people by doing something different, some people get pissed off. It’s just the way it is. Truth be told, we don’t get much hate mail, but when we do, it is usually from someone with no real knowledge of the band or the English language, and is thrown into the malfated.com trash can without a response. Every now and again, however, we get a message out of the blue that, for whatever reason, we feel like sharing with you, either because it amused us and we think it may amuse you, or because it touches on something that we think is worth commenting on, even if it wasn’t delivered by the smartest of messengers. The ‘Hate Mail Hell’ area of malfated.com is unlikely to be updated often due to the pointlessness of hate mail (typical examples of the hate mail we have received: “I really like your music.... not!!!!!!”, “Hey wanker!!!”, etc), we hope that you enjoy reading the content available. But let it be known: if you’re a moron with a keyboard, a boozed-up bozo, a rebel without a point, or simply a prick with way too much time on your hands, chances are you’ll be left to rot in Hate Mail Hell. Cheers!

the little hypocrite

Name: ‘Kirsti’. Vital Stats: 19 years old, female, based in England, UK.

Type of message: Picture comment to The Malfated via myspace.com on November 13, 2008, 10:36pm:

Which image did Kirsti take offence to? This one:

How could a Malfated fan, who added herself to The Malfated’s myspace profile, be offended by such an innocent, cute face...? It couldn’t possibly be an anti-smoking comment - after all, her default picture showed a cigarette between her lips...

After publishing the comment, a representative of the band wrote a private message back in an effort to find out:

Kirsti, whose MySpace ‘About Me’ profile assures one and all that “I have a shit sense of judgement”, responded:

When informed of Kirsti’s protest, Karl’s first comment was “What the fuck? The girl’s got a fucking cigarette dangling from her mouth!” He finished with “write and tell her that she’s a hypocritical moron”. So we did. As for the suggestion that Karl is smoking a “spliff” (also known as a “doobie”, “joint”, and, in some circles, a “blunt of Bobby Brown”), Karl is actually pictured smoking a cigarette during a rehearsal break. As all genuine Malfated fans are well aware, Karl Steiger rolls his own cigarettes.

Needless to say, Kirsti took offence to being called a hypocritical moron, and wrote back:

Kirsti: because ketchup-covered pizza washed down with a pint of Screwdriver rocks!

Smokers: “NOT cool”

So there you have it, folks. If you’re a friend of Kirsti’s, not only is it cool to smoke, she’ll even pose with your fag and post it on the Internet. But God help you if you try to buy a pack of smokes without asking her permission first - you could end up with “fucking bent arse stupid perv” spray-painted over your flat.

Comment from malfated.com: Whoever that fucking cigarette belongs to, Kirsti won’t be short of a light here in Hate Mail Hell.

Final thought: Not sure if the bottles of booze are “props” or belong to a “friend” (and, hey, aren’t you driving...?), but as your MySpace profile boasts how you’re “easily entertained” and love “large units of alcohol”, we thought we’d throw some help your way. You can call the Alcoholics Anonymous Helpline on 0845 769 7555 . After all, making a complete dickhead of yourself in public with your mate sticking a ‘wet floor’ traffic cone up your bum just isn’t, you know, cool.

Posers who criticise people who smoke while pretending to be a smoker on their MySpace default pic: Fucking priceless

Hell, we all remember our first beer


the angry young man

Name: ‘Pushubroom’. Vital Stats: 16 years old, male, based in CA, USA.

Type of message: Private message sent to The Malfated via myspace.com on December 25, 2004, 05:45PM. The message was untitled.


“you fucking ‘tards realize that ‘malfated’ isn’t a word right? it doesn’t even sound cool, nor does your music, so put a shirt on, and cut your hair”

Fascinating Fact: According to The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition (2000), ’mal’ is a prefix meaning ‘bad’. If you’re following us so far you’re probably smart enough to know what ‘fated’ means.

Comment from malfated.com: The Malfated are proud to know that we inspire anonymous angry people with quiffs to write us unsolicited emails on... Christmas Day! Merry Christmas!

Final thought: Is ‘Pushubroom’ a real word?

‘Pushubroom’ & friend peer into a dirty mirror



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